Meditations on the Death of the Mouse

All good families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (Anna Karenina)

So here you are. Your TVs are aging. You don’t want your guests to feel like they have stepped back in the previous millennium when they walk into your hotel room. You’re feeling really sorry for yourself; damned if you do; damned if you don’t.

Yes, you are in a tough spot. The pressure to do something is enormous. Here is a list of ways you can almost guarantee that you will be unhappy. The list will not be exhaustive, and I will add to it over time as I hear more stories of the bad things that happen to good people.

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1. You blindly sign any deal that gives you new equipment with no up front capital expenditure. You rationalize it by saying, “Seven years isn’t really that long.”
2. You sign a deal with a vendor who will give you hardware for free based on their “advertising” model. Seems to good too be true.  You say, “So what if they go bankrupt, it won’t be my problem.” They go bankrupt. It’s now your problem.
3. Your in-room technology solution has cool touch panels.  Yes, touch panels were cool last month.
4. You close your eyes and pretend that iPad/iPhone-like devices with high-intensity projectors won’t be available in the next two to three years and that people will really want to watch the warmed over proprietary content that will be displayed on your flat-screen televisions. You say “flat-screen television” a few times and you get a queasy feeling that you sound like your father saying Victrola when you showed him your new stereo system in the eighties.

At any rate, when a subject is highly controversial…one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only give one’s audience the chance of drawing their own conclusion as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker (A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf.)

The plane lands.  I turn on my iPhone. Press the iTravel app. I see an offer from my hotel for the “arriving late, hungry, thirsty and tired” meal and entertainment offer. It makes me smile. I grab a cab. My phone prompts me with a notification, “Let the hotel know that you are on the way, estimated arrival time 28 minutes.” I press, “Yes”.

Start checking my email, voice mails and start thinking. “I am hungry, tired, and thirsty.” I press the iTravel app. I see a special (feels like it is tailored to me) Spider Crab Roll, Sam Adams, Pellegrino…$14.95 with the following free entertainment options: John Coltrane Radio OR the the latest House episode. I decide to browse the room  service menu. Hmm…interesting, but that special is so convenient and cheap. I purchase it.  Another notification. I have been automatically upgraded, and I can go straight to my room (4502) when I arrive.

I get out of the cab. Go straight to my room. I can hear the strains of John Coltrane as I push open the door. The attendant in the room asks me if I she can open and pour the beer for me. I say, “Sure.”

I see another notification on my iPhone, inviting me to perform an entertainment ”mash up” and asking me if I would like to use my iPhone as my entertainment control panel and hotel phone. I respond yes to both.

My iPhone is visible as an Icon on the 65in screen hanging on one wall. I see My TV Shows, My Movies, “Suggestions from the Concierge”.

I also notice on the lower left hand corner of the screen ” Local Attractions.” I won’t have time, but I am curious, so I browse the offers from local restaurants, movie theaters, bars….

It’s 10:00 central time. Need to call home. Yes, its $4.95 for an unlimited video conference and my cellphone is free. But I pick the video conference. My wife is “available”. I select “Teleconference”.  I see her image. She says, “Nice room and a beer already. That’s the last time I feel sorry for you for having to travel so much….”

After chatting with my wife,  a prompt on the screen invites me to order breakfast and suggests a “Large pot of coffee, fruit and yogurt–16.95 (perfect)” I touch, “6:30 A” on my iPhone. I notice the cab and wakeup icons on the bottom border of the screen. I fill in the prompts:

Cab? 7:45 AM
Wake up? : 6:15 AM

I start watching House…fall asleep…show ends…lights dim….

No laptop, no remote, no hotel phone, no front desk…the next big thing.